These last two months have been a period of loss for me. On June 1st Tinker disappeared on the farm and to this date (August 8th) we have found no trace of her. I feel such a void in my life which I know is only going to deepen once mom and pop go back to Colorado and I have more solitude. That is when it will really set in that my little buddy is truly gone. Muffin has seemed a little confused to be the only dog in the family now and she asks for a lot more attention.
I know that right after it happened I went into my past coping mode of drinking every night. All my resolutions out the window as I drank and cried and stayed up later at night only to surrender to restless sleep. Sometimes the minute I would open my eyes in the dark that little face would flash before me and I would cry myself back to sleep.
The sun is peeping around the clouds now….I have pulled myself back together and gotten back on track. It is still difficult and I still miss Tinker yet my optimistic nature won’t allow me to wallow in my grief too long. I am on my eighth day of no alcohol once again and feeling good even though I shed some occasional tears. It may be some time before I find another little one to give my heart to…I’m open but not actively looking. I feel something will tell me when the time is right. For now it’s just Muffin and Me……and the cats!
Love you Tinkerbug!